Caution: angry rant about people that really need to get over themselves and be considerate about ___

What the fuck did I ever do to them? I mean really. I have ALWAYS been super friendly and thoughtful to these two guys. AHHH!

Right, so these two guys I use to work with (years ago) are cool. They are nice people, and have their own lives. I'll give them credit that they did meet me when I was enduring some of the worst ten months of my life. I mean, how could you really like someone if during the first 10 months they knew you you were dramatic about everything and cried a lot? I wouldn't like them.

However, I did get medicated and have been sane and sweet (to them) ever since. They are polite when I say hi, so this is what ticked me off:

I'm working (they know I work at this certain Starbucks), they walk right on by without looking to say hi. They sit at a table where I saw them look at me, but still didn't say hi even though I was in mid-wave. I shrugged it off, maybe they were just staring at empty space and not me, right? So I make them hot chocolate (free drinks- see how nice i am?) and as i walk over, i see one of them whisper to the other, and they look the other way like i would disappear if they made eye contact with me. ARE WE FUCKING FIVE YEARS OLD PEOPLE? How rude? I was still in my apron, like I was going to stay and chat and cry my eyes out. w.t.f? I ask if life is good, and specific questions about their life like I'm actually genuinely interested. They ask nothing about me, nor did I give information about myself.

What the fuck is this rudeness? I wanted to punch them in the face, but I don't think that would of helped.

Yeah, they are not significant in my life, so I'm going to shrug it off.

I know you all understand how writing is therapeutic (why we have blogs), so I wanted to vent my anger. Fucking a, so rude.



*deep breath*


This has not been my month. At all.

*screams*
*another deep breath*

(Oh, I'll be fine. Like everything in life: I'll get through it, especially since I've been through much worse.)

:)

l-o-c-k-d-o-w-n

there is a whirlwind
so much to consider to discuss to debate to contradict
she's right all it will do is benefit my desire to be accountable to someone else and not myself
but i want it
i feel like i need it ah oh why cant i just convince myself? this battle is between me and what's in the mirror.

the reflection is tellin me
tellin me
tellin me
to face it
own up to it
admit it
discover it

let the shit go
let it go
just let it go

but i told him this, he promised that
AH IT'S BULLSHIT
i see it, but i want to be blind to it
damn it
i dont need him.
i need myself.

being my own boss is the hardest thing to do.
i messed up, it's my fault.

i can also correct this wrong.



... It takes a lot of effort. I just gotta stop saying "'til tomorrow." it has to happen today. it has to happen now.


ah, so close. so close.



“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” Gandhi