liveSTRONG

Ever since mid November of last year, I wore one of these bracelets everyday for ten months. I took it off only about three times because of a few formal event where it would of been inappropriate for me to wear it. Well, sometime at the end of September its life came to an end, and it broke. I taped it to my door, but it was still a very sad day for me to see it break. For awhile I felt naked without it, and just a piece of me was missing.

It's very difficult for me to explain why this $1 piece of rubber meant so much to me... the best I can do is tell you that it was my tiny reminder of what my goals are, what I'm striving to achieve, and to make the best decisions for my health and overall well-being. It was there through all my struggles and accomplishments. I just.... I just needed another one. I live in a VERY small town now, so I couldn't find one anywhere. :( I decided to accept it until I made a day trip to Spokane and was able to go into a Sports Authority or some other place that I know would have it.

Well, yesterday I was hanging out by a river to watch my girls race (for the rowing team) and I was sitting on a bunch of rocks with them while they waited... I stood up to do something and my cell phone fell out of my pocket... under all the hundreds and hundreds of pounds of rocks and probably landed in water anyway. Ten of us tried to dig it out for about 45 minutes when I told them thank you, but we're not going to get it.

I loved that neon-purple phone, despite it being a piece of shit. Sasha Fierce may rest in peace. (I name all my inanimate objects by the way. My car is Kyle, my lap top is Murrow, and my camera is Jay Davis. Don't ask, I just do things.) haha :-p

So, my boyfriend went with my to Lewiston to get a new phone with my plan (T-Mobile)... oh, and Lewiston is a good hour away from Pullman.... and yes, that IS the closest T-Mobile store... I live in the country now, ha ha. I buy a good cheap phone, because I get a full upgrade anytime next month... So when I go home I'm going to buy a bitchen NEW phone. Ooooh I'm so excited for that, it's going to be CUTE. :-D But in the meantime I love my new phone, which my BF cleverly named 'Rufio', which is one of The Lost Boys in Peter Pan. He has red and black hair and has an attitude- my phone is red and black and totally has some sass.. so... Rufio fit. :-p

Nice story and all, but what does this have to do with liveSTRONG?

Well, after purchasing the phone (and the process took a long time, so I was a bit flustered and still upset from losing my phone... because I hate needing to stalk all my friends down and get numbers back.) And I see Matt is hiding something, he tells me I'll find out once we get back in my car. For no reason I'm a bit irritated, but we get in my car and I turn to him. He tells me to hold out my hand... and he drops a new liveSTRONG bracelet into my hand. Automatically, tears start running down my face. He just dropped my symbol of hope into my hand, and I didn't even see him buying it! I guess they had a bunch in the store and I didn't even notice! Ha, ha- it was the first time he saw me cry so he was a bit surprised. But I did my best to explain how much that meant to me- and the fact that he cared enough to remember and buy if for me makes it even more special. Even though I know he loves me, and he did not have to do something like this to make me believe him, but it definitely confirmed it for me, and it just adds to the incredibly long and building list of why I love him. Seriously, we're meant to be together. I can see myself with him for a long time. It's just SO REAL. :) Wonderful.


Happily I now have another liveSTRONG bracelet, and I feel powerful again. :)


Oh yeah, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! HAVE A FUN DAY AND DO NOT EAT TOO MUCH CANDY!

(I wish I made this. Ha, ha!)

<3

Pointless Post.

I love my new background.


It is freaking simple and super cool.


Love love love it.


yay!

Thought Question.

So, I know you know that I'm obsessed with the musician Jason Mraz. He is not only one of my favorite artists, but he's kind of my spiritual guide (as strange as that sounds, but he is incredibly spiritual, open minded, generous and just.... awesome.) And he has these insightful questions of the day... so once or twice a week I'm going to answer what he asks. They're interesting things to think about. So. Yeah. :)

<3




Who could you be more generous with? What are you receiving today?


Due to the darker weather we've had in Eastern Washington (rain, dark clouds, little sun...) and the fact that it's that time of month when girls do not like being girls (sorry, Spenc)... I've been a bit more critical and negative lately. Which is awful, because that is NOT a part of my venture to *always* BE LOVE. Well, I am only human, right? :-/ But there is a girl that lives on my hall that I've been kinda bitching about behind her back... because she has a very strong personality and it's difficult to connect with her sometimes. In a way she makes me feel stupid about what I believe, my opinion on certain topics, and self-conscious about the music I listen to, the way I dress... etc... It's not like she does it on purpose, there are many wonderful things about her. She is a intelligent person, and she means well... but sometimes her delivery on some things is slightly demeaning without her really knowing it is. She just know what she believes in and she's very firm about it. If anything, my response to what she is saying is because even though I am becoming a more confident and strong individual, it is only human of my to still have some things I don't like about myself, and feelings of shame/doubt come up. It happens to everyone. It is how a person REACTS to something that matters, right?

I want to be more generous in accepting her in a more positive light. To free and let go of what bothers me and just understand what she's about. Be accepting. Be more generous toward her own Self/Person. Karma will only bite me in the ass if I continue to semi-bash her. She doesn't deserve that, she never meant to offend me. And if it REALLY bothers me, I can always approach her in a mature, adult manner- which she would appreciate and I would feel better about it.

I will receive only good things from looking at people in a good light. :)

Accept and let go. :)


<3 Be Love. <3

Gratitude.

In this moment I am grateful for:

my mom and dad

my brother Matt

boyfriend Matt

mariya, kayla, nadean, sari, alexandra, and beth

all the parts of my body, the eyes to see, ears that hear, nose that smells and mouth that speaks and smiles, soul that rejoices

coffee

cream/sugar

oatmeal

sunrises, fog and dew that whisper along the wheat fields

college

my health

water

bubbles, flowers, and balloons

love, love, and more love

The Hermit: to seek truth.

What disempowering story are you telling about yourself?


Lately I have been falling in the awful trap of "laziness" by telling myself I can do it tomorrow, when I know I wont have time tomorrow. I have not being going to the gym or writing in my Food Diary because I want my last 15 pounds to melt off my body. I'm still a tad bummed out that I didn't make the Varsity Rowing team, because they give you a personal trainer and I would of barely had to put any effort into shedding the last few pounds and toning my body.

But I started this on my own, I can finish it on my own. What's 40 pounds to 15?

I am strong, powerful, engaged. I will finish this.

Who is the easiest person to love in your life?

Anyone who is authentic and dedicated to their true Self. It's easy to be grateful and feel blessed for anything and anyone in your life, and to express that gratitude... even though sometimes life sucks, be grateful for what you have right now.

I can't pick an individual for this question. My family/friends are the easiest people to love.

I am sweet, youthful, and abundant.

What are you pretending?

This is a hard question for me to answer right now, because over the past few months I've been becoming truer to my authentic Self. I guess, on occasion, since I am a college student- it's easy to switch personalities based on who I'm around.

I use to pretend every minute of everyday. Before November, 2008- I would grab the mask of false joy everyday. As long as I kept making those around me smile and laugh, they never saw the true sadness I was feeling. Only a select few saw how truly miserable I was. (Those are the people that know me only too well.) :) Then I became invested in a journey toward self-discovery, awareness, and was determined to fill my body with not only love (I had plenty of that), but a love for myself. That healing process takes a long time, but you can do it.

I am honoring, thankful, and accepting.

What do you love about the rain?

I love the way it taps my window. The way the cold drops land on my face, and bring me a whole new awakening. Every drop feels like I am becoming more close to nature, like they're trying to take me to a higher self, bestowing a touch more wisdom on me. I love the way rain smells, how it seems to heighten the senses, everything has a smell all of a sudden. Rain is renewing.

I am refreshing, fulfilled, and renewed.


Where have you not been speaking up?

Over the past few days, I have been avoiding having a talk with my Self. I have been slacking on my path to ultimate health. Of all times, this is the last and most crucial phase. If I gained weight, the amount of disappointment I would feel would be... intolerable. It is time for me to recommit to myself, because I deserve the life I always dreamed about. I deserve the body I've always wanted. I deserve to look in the mirror and cry, because I know all the hard work it took me to get to that point. I deserve to be outrageously proud of myself. I deserve to live my life the way I want to life it. I deserve it.

I am deserving, beautiful, and dazzling.



What can you give thanks for today?

I am thankful for my daily affirmations (the I am...), for my supportive parents and brother, my friends/bf, for my eyes, lips, hands, legs, fingernails, eyelashes, body, mind, spirit, smile, laugh, music, photos, school, life, and you.


I am mindful, aware, and open.


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These are good questions to sit down and ask yourself. Try to take a moment to be genuine with yourself. It's interesting to see what comes up. :)


Be Love.

The Cutest E-mail Forward I've Ever Received.

An e-mail forward I received from my Mom :)


"Carrots, Eggs & Coffee
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look
at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her
life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know
how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was
tired of fighting and struggling... It seemed as one problem
was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots
with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the
pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the
second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground
coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She
fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled
the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the
coffee out and placed it in a bowl.... Turning to her
daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied..

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the
carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.
The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break
it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard
boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee..
The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The
daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced
the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However,
after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and
became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell
had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through
the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground
coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the
boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When
adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a
carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems
strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become
soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but
changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after
a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial,
have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same,
but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and
hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the
hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When
the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If
you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you
get better and change the situation around you. When the
hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you
elevate yourself to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a
coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough
trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human
and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a
forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of
your past failures and heartaches."

Electric Twist

My mom always told me that a relationship should be easy. You meet each other, and at some point it just becomes something more... I really didn't believe that would ever happen. My parents fell in love at first sight (pretty much).

But, as always, my mom was right.

I'll try not to have too many sappy blogs about my new relationship. But at the moment I'm just really surprised by how... easy it really was and is. It feels right, like we were suppose to be together. He told me there is something different about me than all the other girls he has met and dated, and I feel the same way about him.

On one hand, I want to be realistic and stay in the present, because at the beginning of a relationship you really should NOT think about the future (it's a scary thing!), but.... I have a good feeling about this guy... I have a feeling this will last. (Ha, ha- at least last longer than the 3 month mark, which seems to be my bad number.) Yeah, Matt will definitely last longer. :)

And if, for some retarded reason, it doesn't... well, then that will fucking blow.

But I'm not going to think about that.

Live in the present. Enjoy the now.


<3